Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
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