I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
