just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
