I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
