found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
