Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Farmville is her only friend.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Randomize
