I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I just gift wrapped bread.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
