Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
home. puking in laundry basket.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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