the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
