I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
You smell like a Billy Joel song
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
