How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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