he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
