Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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