You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
