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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
