he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
