That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
