i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
