You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
