piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
