i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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