im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
