Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
