So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
