Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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