Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
