??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
