so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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