even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
