I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
my liver is dry heaving
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
