What did we do last night that was yellow?
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
