We won't sleep together?
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
