My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
