you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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