His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Randomize
