Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
