how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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