i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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