my mouth tastes like poor choices
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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