Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
