every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
