So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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