I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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