guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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