I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
