rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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