so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
