Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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