i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
