people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
