he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
