just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
