did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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