Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
