Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
