ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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