I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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